Lately, there's been a general problem in the male gender. And I'm not saying that as a bitter single girl; it's a pattern observed by several others. More than one of my friends has thrown her (or his) hands in the air lately with the declaration, "That's it! I'm done! No more boys!" I swear that some sort of memo went out for the month of January that basically instructed the lot of them to generally suck. And with Valentine's Day fast approaching... um, yeah.
But let's face it- contrary to what Maureen Dowd
might postulate, we really can't do without the male gender. In the end, we like them too much. We like that they surprise us with sweet gestures and logic us out of silly situations. We like tasteful cologne and well-fitting sweaters. We like boyish grins, and so help me, we even like that they can fix things. Not that I couldn't fix things, but it's a real time saver.
So, to help balance the scales against the rampant jackassery (anyone up for creating registerasasshole.com
?), I present to you 8 guys that are safe, good people. They may mis-step from time to time, but they're solid and they should restore your faith in inter-gender relations. Some are famous, some are fictional, and some are regular joes. Go on, have a crush on one.
In no particular order:
: Jon StewartHow You Know Him
: The Daily Show, America:The BookCrushable Features
: Razor sharp wit, endearing smirk, and he's like fifty times smarter than you.Squee-Inducing Quote:
"Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake."
Oh, sure. He's an obvious choice, but he's a classic for a reason. Clare and I used to watch him and gush that we would vote for him for president. Hell, we'd vote for him for head of the PTA. We'd sit quietly and listen to him read aloud the ingredients for a Fiesta Salad as long as he added in the occasional, "Waaaaah?"
: Jim HalpertHow You Know Him
: The Office, An American WorkplaceCrushable Features
: Mop-top hair, dry sense of humor, creator of the Office Olympics, and puppy dog devotion to engaged receptionist PamQuote
: "Because right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train."
Poor, sweet Jim. You probably knew him in high school and didn't pay much attention then either. Give him a second chance. Gush over his raised eyebrows to the camera every time Dwight says something ridiculous. Coo over his subtle attempts to woo Pam. He's just so darn cute with that lost puppy expression.
: Chrisseneric. (Chris and Eric) How You Know Him (Them):
my college dorm Crushable Features:
Killer blue eyes (both of them!), fantastic bear hugs (Eric), talented gift-giving (Chris), looking good in uniform (Eric), and pop culture saavy (Chris) Quotes
: "I really am just a big dog." -Eric
"Hey, 3 out 4 voters can't be wrong." -Chris, on his sense of humor.
It's a twofer! True, I could have included these boys seperately, but this way we get 9 total. The important thing about these two is that they are lifers- these are the guys that stick. They've seen some serious female craziness and they keep sitting there with those amused smiles. This dynamic duo lived in the room underneath mine during our first year in college and some of my best memories inclue the two of them (No! Not like that!). If you want to go to an All You Can Eat Chinese Buffet, play Trivial Pursuit until you pass out, hike through Europe, or fire big guns from boats- these are the men you've searching for.
Name: Zach BraffHow You Know Him
: Scrubs, Garden State, Chicken LittleCrushable Features
: That whole I laugh-at-the-world-but-i'm-really angsty-and-thoughtful-as-evidenced-by my directorial-debut-in-Garden-StateQuote:
"It's the kid inside of us that keeps us all from going crazy." (as JD on Scrubs
You can have a crush on the character he plays with his quirky obsessions (The Jeffersons
) and amusing flights of fancy. You can have a crush on the artist he is with his quarter-life-crisis turn on Garden State.
Or you can have a crush on the shyly smirking actor who once said he couldn't even date a girl that has never seen Casablnca
. Pick one and go.
: Fitzwilliam DarcyHow You Know Him: Pride and Prejudice
, both book and movie
: Brooding stares, excellant equestrian skill, verbal prowess, tight riding pants, and Pemberley.Quote:
"If I loved you any less, I could speak of it more."
There's a reason that Pride and Prejudice
has been made into a movie in about 50 different incarnations. There's a reason that Colin Firth even has a career. There's a reason that Jane Austen is so respected and revered by modern day women. That reason is Mr. Darcy. Sure, he starts out surly and snobby. But he changes for the woman he loves and there's no more powerful aphrodisiac than that.
Sam SeabornHow You Know Him: The West WingCrush-worthy Features
: liberal idealism, dazzling smile, gentlemanly manners, and mad writing skillz,Quote
: "You're a cheap hack. You go after Leo, I'll bust you like a pinata. "The West Wing
has a whole bevy of worthy contenders, and ordinarily I would go for Josh with his bantery wit and dimples. Sadly, Josh is just a little too bipolar, and he's always overlooked and misused Donna. So, we move on to Sam because he's impassioned, he's all sweet to Ainsley Hayes, and, um, he's also Rob Lowe. Plus, you know he's a good kisser because he dated a call girl.
: Thomas Jefferson, aka TJHow You Know Him
: American Revolution, American Presidency, and the Univeristy of VirginiaCrush-worthy Features
: incredibly vast intelligence, secure enough in his manhood to wear heels, Monticello, and historical relevanceQuote
: "I'm a great beliviever in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it."
Ok, so should you choose to heap adoration upon TJ, you also have to contend with the fact that he's dead. But come on! He's a Renaissance Man! He wrote famous government documents! He designed two buildings in the Historical Registry! He founded the best freakin' University ever! He spoke French fluently! And hey, Sally Hemmings! History wins!
: Justin CoxHow You Know Him
: University of Texas, Photographer ExtraordinaireCrush-worthy Features
: the eye of the artist, internet saavy, that whole modern elegant look, and cutesy drunk IMsQuote:
"if/when you come visit we will run amuck and have a crazy-go-nuts fun time."
You can probably guess this is not a picture of Justin. This is actually my dog. But he's as cute as her, and I don't have a picture of him. This is the guy that created my pretty blog design and he has a real eye for beauty in the unique (see his portfolio). He's sweet, he's witty, and he can hold his own in Pop Culture Trivial Pursuit. Snap 'em up!
All right, girls (and some guys)- go forth and flirt! I mean, as long as you're not really stalking. You know who you are.